Celebrate Life with One Last Party ™
July 1, 2010
One Last Party ™ is an opportunity to celebrate and honor your loved one with food, drinks, and fellowship, while tending to the emotional and relational needs of family and friends. This can take the place of the traditional visitation, or after the funeral/memorial service, and can be held in our spacious community room, or at our One Last Party™ partner, Vannelli’s by the Lake in downtown Forest Lake.
We are in the beginning stages of incorporating this unique experience in honoring and celebrating the life lived.
There will be additional information coming soon.
Seeing is believing….
June 7, 2010
” Seeing is believing,” is what I often hear when Tim is explaining the value of viewing their deceased loved one. I recently ran across the following article that describes the message that Tim & many funeral professionals pass along everyday.
Most people have heard the old saying “seeing is believing”… but many people have also lived through a life experience which gave them a deep, emotional understanding of this simple phrase. Consider what happens when a parent receives call from their child’s school saying that their child has been hurt on the school yard. They’re told that the child is ok but still they’ll spend the rest of their work day counting the minutes…waiting to see their child….because seeing is believing.
Consider what happened to our entire society when the planes flew into the twin towers on Sept 11 2001. Within minutes of hearing the news over, televisions across the country were turned on as people watched the videos over and over again. They have estimated that over 90% of American’s saw the videos the first day. Many people had the TV on all day watching the videos over and over again, trying to grasp the magnitude of the moment, trying to come to grips with the trauma…because seeing is believing.
The burning desire to See is the natural human response to any traumatic event. Seeing the event, or seeing the aftermath of the event, makes the traumatic event real. It’s already real on an intellectual level as soon as we hear about the event, but to make it real on an emotional level we must See.
Psychologists tell us that all traumatic events introduce a certain amount of chaos into our lives and that the lingering effects of chaos is what most people refer to as grief. They also tell us that the need to See is tied to our need to bring order out of chaos and in doing so to minimize the long term grief that is associated with the traumatic event.
Back in 1969, Elizabeth Kubler Ross in her book “Death and Dying” described 5 stages of grief. The 5 stages are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. These widely accepted stages are now taught in every psychology program in the country. We can try to deny the stages….but we cannot avoid them. The 5 stages are fundamental to our human nature. We move through these stages so that we can bring order to chaos and begin to accept the event. Seeing the outcome of a traumatic event is a critical component of Acceptance. In fact, without Seeing it is extremely hard to get to the point of Acceptance or ever move to the point of experiencing emotional healing.
Consider the difference between the painful death of a loved one versus the disappearance of a loved one. With a death and the reality of saying goodbye to your loved one you can eventually move through grief, reach Acceptance and on some level…heal. But with a disappearance there is no closure. You will experience grief but you will never reach Acceptance, instead you will be bogged down in Depression….sometimes you will stay there for the rest of your life.
A common point of debate in our culture today is whether or not there should be a public viewing of the body after the death of a loved one. Some people think that the viewing makes it even harder for the family. In fact, viewing the body plays an extremely important role in moving a person through the five stages of grief in a healthy way.
If someone you care about passes away you can never avoid grief you can only move through it. Seeing the remains of a loved one is an undeniable confirmation of the death. For those who are stuck in the first stage of grief (i.e, Denial) it empowers them to move forward through the grief process and to eventually heal from the loss.
Seeing the final disposition of the body is also critically important because it brings closure to the traumatic event. Whether it be the lowering of a casket into a grave or the scattering of cremated remains, it is important for everyone who had an emotional connection to the deceased to witness the final ceremony. Only by experiencing this final goodbye ceremony firsthand can we find closure and begin healing.
Some people who are preplanning their own funerals wrongly assume that they are making it easier for their family by requesting no viewing of their remains. Sadly, they are actually making it harder for their family. Allowing their body to be present is actually the last meaningful gift that they can give to their loved ones. Their soul may have departed but their earthly body will help those who remain accept the loss and begin their journey through the natural grief process towards emotional healing.
Always remember…if someone you love passes away you cannot avoid grief. Instead you should reach out to others who can help you navigate this difficult time so that you can honor their life, accept the loss and begin emotional healing.
Seeing is believing.
And believing leads to Emotional Healing…..
Posted with permission by John Callaghan
Honoring our Fallen Heroes
May 28, 2010
Arlington National Cemetery
As I read through the paper last evening, I saw the Memorial Day Sale Ads everywhere . . . and it made me think. . . “How Did Memorial Day even begin?” Here’s a quick history lesson and several great ways to observe Memorial Day.
Memorial Day was originally called Decoration Day – a day of remembrance for those who died in our nation’s service. Memorial Day was officially proclaimed on May 5, 1868 by General John Logan and was first observed on May 30, 1868 when flowers were placed on the graves of Union and Confederate soldiers at Arlington National Cemetery.
In 1915, inspired by the poem “In Flanders Field”, Moina Michael wrote her own poem:
We cherish too, the Poppy red
That grows on fields where valor led,
It seems to signal to the skies
That blood of heroes never dies.
She conceived an idea to wear red poppies on Memorial Day to honor those who have died serving our nation during war. Moina was the first American to wear a poppy and sold poppies to people in her community donating the money to benefit servicemen in need. The popularity of her idea continued to spread and in 1922, the VFW became the first veterans’ organization to nationally sell artificial poppies made by disable veterans.
As the traditional meaning and observances of Memorial Day have changed, I would like to encourage everyone to observe this holiday this year by:
Attend the local Forest Lake Memorial Day Ceremony at Lakeside Park.
Visit cemeteries and place flags or flowers on the graves of our fallen heroes.
Visit Veterans Memorials in Minnesota.
Fly our U.S. Flag at half-staff until noon on Memorial Day
Participate in a “National Moment Of Remembrance” — at 3:00 PM on Memorial Day, pause and think upon the true meaning of the day.
Enjoy this holiday weekend. Commit to observing Memorial Day in several of the ways I have suggested.
Tim Tarmann,
Roberts Family Funeral Home
Certified Funeral Celebrant Services (Video)
April 28, 2010
Valentine’s Day Luncheon
February 4, 2010
Urns
January 28, 2010
Urns, Urns, and more Urns! All different sizes, shapes, wood, brass, glass, metal, you get the picture with cremation being as prevalent, we are inendated with companies that sell them. When we help families choose an urn for their loved one, we often try and keep the choices some what limited as it can be overwhelming to people who are grieving. If they are looking for more of a choice, of course we have 10 plus catalogs that we can provide as well. Sometimes not even an urn is chosen, we have had cookie jars, ceramic pots, families have even made their own. I did run across a company called Urns.com, yes you can buy urns on the internet. www.urns.com has a nice variety and a lot of choices, they also have a great blog, http://blog.urns.com/ where they have a wealth of information about cremation, advanced funeral planning, anything related to our industry. Whether from our catalog, the internet, or perhaps something from home, the most important detail, is that it has significance to the family we are helping.
My Friend Bill
October 8, 2008
One of the questions I have frequently been asked is “How did you decide to become a funeral director?
My decision to become a funeral director evolved from my childhood. As a young teen, I mowed lawns for senior citizens in my hometown, Toluca, Illinois. As I was mowing one summer day, the local funeral director stopped on the street to talk with me. He asked if I could mow the funeral home lawn and I agreed. As I mowed the funeral home lawn, I wanted to know more about this profession. Pete Aimone, the funeral director and I had many discussions about his occupation and on occasion, I would assist with moving chairs and flowers in the funeral home – never working a funeral. The more I learned about his role in our community, the more I could see myself becoming a funeral director.
From those early days in Toluca, Illinois, I believe I was given a firm foundation on what matters most in funeral service – to care for each family as though it was my family. As a funeral director, I am often considered an “extended family member” after the funeral service is finished and I always enjoy hearing family stories and staying connected.
I have been working with Roberts Family Funeral Home in Forest Lake for nearly two years. During my first month at Roberts Family Funeral Home, I met Bill Woodward. Bill’s wife had died the month before I started working here. Bill stopped by to ask a few questions. Little did I know from the first conversation that Bill would become such a great friend.
Throughout the past two years, Bill would stop in just to say hello – I always enjoyed sitting and chatting with him. Bill attended most of the community events our funeral home has sponsored. It was not uncommon to have emails from Bill too!
This spring, Bill phoned to say that he would be attending our Grief Group as he was hospitalized. After a few days, Bill phoned again to share his Lung Cancer diagnosis. He still managed to stop by the funeral home several times just to say hello. With some nudging from his family, I went to see Bill during several of his hospital stays.
One afternoon, Kelly and I decided to go visit Bill at home. When we arrived, Bill was having a great day – and he was ready for us. He left the living room, went into the bedroom and returned with neck ties for Kelly and me. His words – “At my funeral, I don’t want you guys to be wearing dark ties and white shirt. . .” Then he tossed me a bright red tie with hearts all over it and a sharp white tie to Kelly and continued “You be sure to wear these for me.”
Bill died at his home on Sunday morning, September 28th. Getting that telephone call was very challenging for me. I really cared about him and his family. He had become a “Grandpa” to me. While we were at his home, his daughter reminded us of the neck ties and our promise to Bill.
As we said farewell to Bill, Kelly and I were dressed in colored shirts with our “Bill Ties.” I was so honored to be Bill’s friend and his funeral director. Bill’s family had become like my own – and I knew the love they had for him.
I go back to the question, why be a funeral director? I am honored to serve people in the most challenging times and I want to do what is right for each family. Bill allowed me to become his friend and to serve him with dignity, love and concern.
Off & Running!
September 20, 2008
Hello & welcome to our “web log” (aka a blog), this is a new endeavor allowing for us to share knowledge about the funeral industry, from after care to vaults and everything in between will be discussed. Our main goal with this is to help our community with information. You have the opportunity to share feedback regarding information in a live and interactive way, and also “ask the director” with questions that is not otherwise answered within the content of our site. We’ll hopefully blog on a weekly basis, and have guest bloggers sharing their thoughts and insight as well.
With that, again we welcome you!!
Tim Tarmann & Kelly Roberts