Written and posted with permission by Kate Whouley

This year on 9-11, I plan to eat cake. Chocolate cake with chocolate icing—my mother’s favorite.  

My mother turned 67 on Sept. 11, 2001. It was a time in her life when she went to a lot of doctors. Accompanying her in the weeks and months—and even years—after the attacks, I felt wary whenever I provided her date of birth. I tried out September 11th, rather than 9-11, hoping to skip the beat of stunned silence before a receptionist, a pharmacist or a health professional would ask, “What was the year again?”

To view the complete article go to:      http://www.obit-mag.com/articles/eating-cake-on-9-11

Live Like You’re Going to Die (Because You Are)

“You’re going to die. I’m going to die. Everyone around us is going to die.
The reality of death is, of course, both obvious and daunting for most of us. With the recent tragic events in Japan and some very serious health news I received from someone close to me, I’ve been thinking about life and death a lot this past week. I was on a run a few days ago and thought to myself, “I wonder what it’s like to know you’re going to die?” Then I thought, “Wait a minute, we’re all going to die – we just don’t act like it.”  As simple as this thought was, it was profound for me. I don’t live my life all that consciously aware of my own death. My own fears about death (mine and others) often force me to avoid thinking about it all together. I do catch myself worrying about dying; sometimes more often than I’d like to admit, especially with our girls being as young as they are – Samantha’s five and Rosie’s two and a half.
I also don’t talk about death that much because it seems like such a morbid topic, a real “downer.” I worry that it’s too intense to address or that if I focus on death I will somehow attract it to me or those around me superstitiously.  And, as a culture we don’t really like to talk about death   or deal with it in a meaningful way since it can be quite scary and is the exact opposite of so much of what we obsess about (youth, productivity, vitality, results, beauty, improvement, the future, etc.).  But what if we embraced death, talked about it more, and shared our own vulnerable thoughts, feelings, and questions about it? While for some of us this may seem uncomfortable, undesirable, or even a little weird – think how liberating it would be and is when we’re willing to face the reality of death directly.

Steve Jobs gave a powerful commencement speech at Stanford in 2005 entitled “How to live before you die.” In that speech, he said, “Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”  Contemplating death in a conscious way doesn’t have to freak us out. Knowing that our human experience is limited and that at some mysterious point in the future our physical body will die, is both sobering and liberating.
The reason I’ve always appreciated memorials services (even when I’ve been in deep pain and grief over the death of someone close to me) is because there is a powerful consciousness which often surrounds death. When someone passes away we often feel a certain amount of permission to get real in a vulnerable way and to focus on what’s most important (not the ego-based fear, comparison, and self criticism that often runs our life).  What if we tapped into this empowering awareness all the time – not just because someone close to dies or because we have our own near-death experience, but because we choose to affirm life and appreciate the blessing, gift, and opportunity that it is.  Here are some things we can think about, focus on, and do on a regular basis that will allow us to live like we’re going to die, in a positive way:

1) Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff – As my dear friend and mentor Richard Carlson reminded millions of us through his bestselling series of books with this great title, life is not an emergency and most of the stuff we worry about, get upset about, and obsess about is not that big of a deal. If we lived as if we were dying, we probably wouldn’t let so many small things bother us.

2) Let Go of Grudges – One of my favorite sayings is, “holding a grudge is like drinking poison, and expecting the other person to die.” Everyone loses when we hold a grudge, especially us. If you knew you were going to die soon, would you really want to spend your precious time and energy holding onto anger and resentment towards those around youor people from your past (regardless of what they may have done)? Forgiveness is powerful – it’s not about condoning anything, it’s about liberation and freedom for us.

3) Focus on What Truly Matters – What truly matters to you? Love? Family? Relationships? Service? Creativity? Spirituality? Our authentic contemplation of death can help us answer this important question in a poignant way. If you found out you only had a limited time left to live, what would you stop doing right now? What would you want to focus on instead? And while we all have certain responsibilities in life, asking ourselves what truly matters to us and challenging ourselves to focus on that, right now, is one of the most important things we can do.

4) Go For It – Fear of failure often stops us from going for what we truly want in life. From a certain perspective (the ego-based, physical, material world) death can be seen as the ultimate “failure” and is often related to that way in our culture, even though people don’t usually talk about it in these blunt terms. However, this perspective can actually liberate us. If we know we’re ultimately going to “fail” in life (in terms of living forever), what have we really got to lose by taking big risks? We all know how things are going to turn out in the end. As I heard in a workshop years ago, “Most of us are trying to survive life; we have to remember that no one ever has.”

5) Seize the Day – Carpe diem, the Latin phrase for “seize the day,” is all about being right here, right now. The more willing we are to surrender to the present moment, embrace it, and fully experience it – the more we can appreciate and enjoy life. As John Lennon famously said, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” Living like we’re going to die is about remembering to fully engage in the present moment, being grateful for the gift that it is, and doing our best not to dwell on the past or worry about the future. If today were your last day, how would you want to live?

Death can be difficult and scary scary for many of us to confront. There is a lot of fear, resistance, and “taboo” surrounding it in our culture and for us personally. However, when we remember that death is both natural and inevitable, we’re reminded that everyone’s life (whether it lasts for a few days or a hundred years) is short, precious, and miraculous. This awareness can fundamentally and positively alter the way we think, feel, and relate to ourselves, others, and life itself. Living as if we’re going to die (and remembering that it’s guaranteed) is one of the best things we can do for ourselves and those around us.  How can you start living your life for more conscious of your own death, in a positive and empowering way? What can you do right now to let go of what’s not important, focus on what truly matters, and seize the day?”

Written by Mike Robbins.

Most people have heard the old saying “seeing is believing”… but many people have also lived through a life experience which gave them a deep, emotional understanding of this simple phrase.  Consider what happens when a parent receives call from their child’s school saying that their child has been hurt on the school yard. They’re told that the child is ok but still they’ll spend the rest of their work day counting the minutes…waiting to see their child….because seeing is believing.

Consider what happened to our entire society when the planes flew into the twin towers on Sept 11 2001. Within minutes of hearing the news over, televisions across the country were turned on as people watched the videos over and over again. They have estimated that over 90% of American’s saw the videos the first day. Many people had the TV on all day watching the videos over and over again, trying to grasp the magnitude of the moment, trying to come to grips with the trauma…because seeing is believing.

The burning desire to See is the natural human response to any traumatic event. Seeing the event, or seeing the aftermath of the event, makes the traumatic event real. It’s already real on an intellectual level as soon as we hear about the event, but to make it real on an emotional level we must See.
Psychologists tell us that all traumatic events introduce a certain amount of chaos into our lives and that the lingering effects of chaos is what most people refer to as grief. They also tell us that the need to See is tied to our need to bring order out of chaos and in doing so to minimize the long term grief that is associated with the traumatic event.

Back in 1969, Elizabeth Kubler Ross in her book “Death and Dying” described 5 stages of grief. The 5 stages are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. These widely accepted stages are now taught in every psychology program in the country.  We can try to deny the stages….but we cannot avoid them. The 5 stages are fundamental to our human nature. We move through these stages so that we can bring order to chaos and begin to accept the event. Seeing the outcome of a traumatic event is a critical component of Acceptance. In fact, without Seeing it is extremely hard to get to the point of Acceptance or ever move to the point of experiencing emotional healing.

Consider the difference between the painful death of a loved one versus the disappearance of a loved one. With a death and the reality of saying goodbye to your loved one you can eventually move through grief, reach Acceptance and on some level…heal.  But with a disappearance there is no closure. You will experience grief but you will never reach Acceptance, instead you will be bogged down in Depression….sometimes you will stay there for the rest of your life.

A common point of debate in our culture today is whether or not there should be a public viewing of the body after the death of a loved one. Some people think that the viewing makes it even harder for the family. In fact, viewing the body plays an extremely important role in moving a person through the five stages of grief in a healthy way.

If someone you care about passes away you can never avoid grief you can only move through it. Seeing the remains of a loved one is an undeniable confirmation of the death. For those who are stuck in the first stage of grief (i.e, Denial) it empowers them to move forward through the grief process and to eventually heal from the loss.
Seeing the final disposition of the body is also critically important because it brings closure to the traumatic event. Whether it be the lowering of a casket into a grave or the scattering of cremated remains, it is important for everyone who had an emotional connection to the deceased to witness the final ceremony. Only by experiencing this final goodbye ceremony firsthand can we find closure and begin healing.

Some people who are preplanning their own funerals wrongly assume that they are making it easier for their family by requesting no viewing of their remains. Sadly, they are actually making it harder for their family. Allowing their body to be present is actually the last meaningful gift that they can give to their loved ones. Their soul may have departed but their earthly body will help those who remain accept the loss and begin their journey through the natural grief process towards emotional healing.
Always remember…if someone you love passes away you cannot avoid grief. Instead you should reach out to others who can help you navigate this difficult time so that you can honor their life, accept the loss and begin emotional healing.

Seeing is believing.
And believing leads to Emotional Healing…..

Posted with permission by John Callaghan

Arlington National Cemetery

As I read through the paper last evening, I saw the Memorial Day Sale Ads everywhere . . . and it made me think. . . “How Did Memorial Day even begin?” Here’s a quick history lesson and several great ways to observe Memorial Day.

Memorial Day was originally called Decoration Day – a day of remembrance for those who died in our nation’s service. Memorial Day was officially proclaimed on May 5, 1868 by General John Logan and was first observed on May 30, 1868 when flowers were placed on the graves of Union and Confederate soldiers at Arlington National Cemetery.

In 1915, inspired by the poem “In Flanders Field”, Moina Michael wrote her own poem:
We cherish too, the Poppy red
That grows on fields where valor led,
It seems to signal to the skies
That blood of heroes never dies.

She conceived an idea to wear red poppies on Memorial Day to honor those who have died serving our nation during war. Moina was the first American to wear a poppy and sold poppies to people in her community donating the money to benefit servicemen in need. The popularity of her idea continued to spread and in 1922, the VFW became the first veterans’ organization to nationally sell artificial poppies made by disable veterans.

As the traditional meaning and observances of Memorial Day have changed, I would like to encourage everyone to observe this holiday this year by:

 Attend the local Forest Lake Memorial Day Ceremony at Lakeside Park.
 Visit cemeteries and place flags or flowers on the graves of our fallen heroes.
 Visit Veterans Memorials in Minnesota.
 Fly our U.S. Flag at half-staff until noon on Memorial Day
 Participate in a “National Moment Of Remembrance” — at 3:00 PM on Memorial Day, pause and think upon the true meaning of the day.

Enjoy this holiday weekend. Commit to observing Memorial Day in several of the ways I have suggested.

Tim Tarmann,
Roberts Family Funeral Home

“One of America’s Great Funeral Homes™,” or AGFH, is a full-service marketing company who requires its members to operate in the public interest by the Golden Rule: Treat others as you want them to treat you. AGFH provides its affiliates with radio, TV, Web site, new media, newspaper, direct marketing, print ads and supplier coop discounts that they can pass along to the public. The company is operated as a subsidiary of Carson & Son Funeral Home, Inc. in Maquoketa, Iowa. AGFH’s owner, Don Carson, is a third-generation funeral director who discovered a need for excellent national branding of funeral homes. He created AGFH to fill this need. “I want the public to feel confident that when they select a member of AGFH, that they will have selected one of America’s best funeral homes,” said Carson.

Located at 555 Centennial Drive, SW, Roberts Family Funeral Home and Cremation Service is a family-owned funeral and cremation services provider that has been serving the families of Forest Lake and the surrounding communties for five years now. If you would like to learn more about AGFH promotional products and to receive your free preplanning guide call 651.464.4422 or visit the Roberts Family Funeral Home and Cremation Service website at www.robertsfamilyfh.com.

Place:
Faith Lutheran Church
886 N. Shore Drive
Forest Lake, MN 55025
Time: 7-9 p.m.
Registration: 6:45-7 p.m.
Large group presentation: 7-8 p.m.
Small groups: 8-9 p.m.
Schedule
Each session is complete in itself. You’re welcome to attend one or all.
April 5 — Jennifer Silvera
April 12 — Bob & Carolyn Kluk
April 19 — Rev. Paul Brown
April 26 — Linda Cherek
May 3 — Gena Doyscher
May 10 — Linda Lehmann

Seeing how these wonderful people at Fairview Lakes HomeCaring & Hospice care for people, I decided to jump into frosty, frigid, frozen Forest Lake on February 20th, to raise money for their organization, and many others that the Rotary Club of Forest Lake supports. TO HELP ME OUT HERE…go to my link below, any donation would be greatly appreciated…Thank you!

http://winterplunge.kintera.org/kellyroberts

P.S. If you wanna join me “Gettin Cold for this Cause” be a part of Fairview Lake HomeCaring & Hospice team by going to:

http://winterplunge.kintera.org/fvlakeshospice